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welcome to lynette's blog! (:

@ 12 July 2009 : 7/12/2009 06:04:00 pm

believe it or not, i broke down during church service today. it has been a while since i've gone down for ministry, and to think that it was a rather hard morning for me just now.

life last year and the half of this year has been on the dry side. not saying that God did not really bless me or anything. i meant like, he did, but not really in the area that i expected and that i wanted the most- my studies. although i have come to terms of my biggest failure so far already,yet it just does not seem so realistic to me at all. guess the truth has not really sank it yet? or even it has, maybe i just tried to run away from it.

come to think of it, i have been rather distant from God lately. as in, he does not seem to speak as much as before to me. and it's like the blessings from Him seems to get lesser. i don't like it, to be honest. and i feel really guilty about it.

pastor talked about drawing the line when in the outside world and being able to surrender everything to God no matter how tempting the sinful ways are, but i somehow always can't seem to surrender the area of my studies to Him. as in, i don't seek God enough in my studies, and i don't ask enough from Him. and worst is, i don't trust Him enough in that area. sadly.

going down for ministry was one of my best decisions that i have made in months. i really broke down and cried out my heart to God, having total repentance in my heart that i will not want to leave Him behind again, and always doing my best to remember him every single moment of my life. at the same time, i have to surrender my studies to Him and remember that He is in full control.

life is all about pleasing God and not men, as God's approval is of utmost importance in our lives. it is only when we please God, will then he deliver his promises and blessings to us. i really have a long way in learning how to be obedient to God, and to stand up for what is right in God's eyes and not conform to the sins of this world.

still, i thank God that he has forgiven me for having left Him behind, and i know that He'll work in my life again. i realy pray hard that God will bless me with good results in promos, and that i'll promote to jc2. that is because i know God wanted me to enter ny, and he won't just destroy the plan like that.